Someone from our wondrous community wrote me. He was quite nice about liking my posts. Then he shared some of the work he does helping men heal from trauma. This got me thinking.
I never know what will guide me to share about a topic in my 3 min video, Friday emails. Today’s focus became trauma. I visualize trauma on a continuum with surprise on one end, shock in the middle and trauma on the other end.
Trauma can be either with a capital T or small t. The small t represents the beginning of experiences that are a shock and create post trauma stress. The capital T are extreme incidences of experiences, rocking the ground out from beneath you, that involve physical invasiveness, in non-consensual sexual or lethal, death experiences. Any trauma is emotionally wrecking. Some of the post-trauma effects include avoidance of anything that even remotely reminds you of a traumatic experience you once had. The trauma may be buried, but a reaction will erupt unexpectedly.
Post-traumatic stress can show up as flight, fight or freeze. Typically, you don’t want to deal with the thoughts, feelings or memory associated with the yuk event. Yet sensation, memories or associated feeling can be triggered. Triggers erupt into a flash across your mind or are felt in your body. Sometimes barely perceptible. Until neutralized, these buried trauma aftereffects come back.
Effects of the stress can distract you from enjoying a pleasurable moment during lovemaking. Emotionally you “go away”, physically you stop or react with strong emotions. Your dearest may ask “what happened, why did you stop?” or “why are you yelling?”.
Give yourself permission to deal with your own trauma to begin its release and transformation.
If this topic resonated and you’d like to have a conversation about what it would look like when you create the love relationship you’ve dreamed of schedule a chat with me.
Best Things Are Coming To You in 2021, much love from Nancy and her crew